So here we are, at the start of a sex blog. This one has been made to vent the feelings, frustrations, fantasies and fallacies (phalluses) of sexual behaviour and intercourse surrounding the life and interests of a young man (me, a 25 year old). There's going to be variety, controversy, and a bunch of non sequitur.
Do I have to preface this with an age warning? I believe that young people should be exposed to the realities of sexual theory as early as they are capable of comprehending it, because then they're more likely to make the right choices or at least discuss these ideas rather than just fuck it up silently for ages.
SO I'm NOT going to provide an age warning. If you think this is interesting then I don't give a shit how old you are.
Let's begin with digital sex:
Fingering (part 1) and Computers (part 2, next post):
Fingering bothers me. It bothers me because I don't think I'm good at it and because it involves a great deal of concentration in the early stages of coitus. As far as I'm concerned, female-to-male/male-to-male masturbation is relatively simple - don't try and uproot my dick (pull it too hard), don't burn it (go too fast) and... the rest will work itself out. The worst handjobs I've ever had have been too forceful and sped-up too quickly, and I think that most of the girls I've fiddled around with would probably complain of the same thing.
I find the largest barrier for me is response. If you're on the receiving end of a wristy and you're a male, there's a good chance you're going to get a hard-on, if you don't then it shouldn't be too hard to modify technique in order to produce the desired stiffness... or there's something else preventing ya junk from working. The good thing about men is that we have a very obvious indicator of arousal.
If you're trying to get your hands into a girl in the heat of things you need to pay attention to a few things: Moisture - is she wet? Wetness being a fair indicator of arousal gives you a hint of whether you're getting in there too early or not; Body movement - is she gyrating in sync with what you're doing? Being out of time means that you're probably going to distract her from the pleasure, I've been told many times that building a rhythm (and not breaking it) is extremely important. Positioning - where are your fingers and how hard are they pressing/how fast are the moving? The differences in female anatomy really pisses me off here because what works with one doesn't always work with the other. Some girls like hard pressure and low movement or one finger in the vagina moving slowly while another one remains on the clitoris alternating between no movement at all and hard rubbing, or one finger in the anus moving slowly and two overlapped fingers in the vagina, or no fingers in anything just stimulating the labia and clitoris... etc!
Now this is all well and good but when I'm trying to kiss you, move you around, take your pants off, and test to see if you're at a point that fingering you wouldn't be like trying to stuff a tree-branch in a floppy-disk drive, it gets a wee bit distracting. I've been able to make girls cum from fingering alone, but there's really not much I can get out of it simply because of the sheer amount of concentration involved. Conversely, I find the early moments of inserting my fingers into a moist vagina extremely arousing, but then as the mental exertion of providing an enjoyable experience builds up, it pushes the enjoyment out my ears. Relax you say? How about fuck you. You relax. I'm trying to stuff my things in your thing.
After reading many articles and books on sex in regards to fingering, they all make it sound so easy. However I have noticed that they generally involve stopping and getting inbetween a lady's legs to focus on this endeavour, rarely do they discuss the technique whilst multi-tasking, a trait that supposedly few men (especially me) possess.
So what am I going to do about it? Nothing. I realised a while ago that it takes a pretty good knowledge of another persons body to do the things they like while simultaneously enjoying it, a kind of sexual auto-pilot that doesn't distract from one's own experience. Occasionally you strike it rich and stumble upon a super responsive person that just loves everything you do (and this often fuels our own passion), but the neuroses inducing media and myth have made us so cynical of these people that we automatically assume they must be faking. I'm here to tell you these people do exist! Some people are loud and some are quiet; I find the quiet/shy ones hardest to work with because of the lack of feedback, especially in regards to fingering. If you're not moving or saying anything my ability to provide a fun time just gets that much harder. Gentle encouragement is the way to go (I think?), but I have found that shy people tend to make me shier, so I experience a bit of a negative feedback loop in this. Come on people, try to talk to each other! But don't turn intercourse into a discourse, that is unless you're going to start arguing and get into some rough-and-tumble times, in which case, go nuts!
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| What does this have in common.... |
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| ...with this? |
They're both Sachlab!
On the topic of timing and fairness in sex, which is a massive part of good sex, we should take turns in order to enjoy ourselves most. When you can just switch off from the idea of having to provide pleasure to just receiving it, it opens up some of the purest moments of sexual satisfaction. I think we're too often caught up in wondering how the other person is feeling right now when the experience we're having is meant for us alone. This plays both ways, and usually ends in a mutually fulfilling experience (say, when you've just made a girl cum with your mouth and then she decides to help you out, and you end the event with a good ol' fuck which everyone enjoys.) This may be a bit elementary, but I've had too many experiences with people who are so hung up on how I'm doing that they forget how they're doing. Just enjoy yourself.
I think I read about this in a good book by a man with a funny name - Bernie Zilbergeld's The New Male Sexuality - at around the age of 18, and it helped me reinterpret an idea that had been drubbed into me from as early as I can remember, which was "Be a considerate lover, and make sure you're not the only one having a good time." I think now that it's wise to remember that part of other people's enjoyment is your own.
